old ju-juice

Many times I question myself, both as an artist, and as an individual. I question my feelings, and my thoughts. It can get very dismal leading a life you can't remember. Like flipping through a magazine you've already read, but it's in the bathroom so you pick it up again. Sometimes you find a tidbit of something you can't remember from before, and it's refreshing. Mostly, however, we find ourselves re-reading the terrible garbage that's so processed that

"Shit, I'm jealous,"
says white bread.


I feel badly for feeling so bad.

"Be positive!"

'They' are the people who don't think like me. They are the ones you see on facebook, posting status' about tasks that sound like vacations.

"Busy day, gonna tan, get lunch with my bestie, then my Wednesday shows."

This is simple existence. And I'll admit sometimes, I am jealous. I could never lead the life of mediocrity and be so happy as they are.


This I think, is what artists are made of. We're all miserable, we find it hard to find joy in average life. We're constantly looking for excitement because we are complex, and choosey. We can't turn off our minds. We have ADD. We have anxiety. Since the end of childhood we've started brooding about how boring/disappointing the real world is,

"Julie, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"I want to be a flower."
"Uh..yea..yes. Yes you can be anything you want."

which only pushed us to create our own world. A true artist hates this world so much that we make a new one.


Through photography, illustrating, painting, writing, dancing, singing, etc, we are able to create.
An artistic creation, by Julie Congo definition, is a stylized representation of a view on either our surroundings or a completely different place/idea based on reality.

The god principle,
"I made this! It exists because of me. Oh you want water, you got it!" ...Poof!

And it doesn't cry or poop. We manifest our own world, even as it views the bleak existence. We manifest our own identity inside this world. A photographer who documents the streets of New York can feel satisfied after witnessing a glimmer of beauty in something overlooked (not limited to 'they', because we all see differently) knowing there is something just in this world, and by photographing they have encapsulated this fondness, creation. In another instance a person takes voyeuristic photos of 'dull' pop-culture, documenting the thing they despise; and yet it remains a creation and something to feel empowered by because essentially, once you view something from an objective point of view and intentionally point out these issues, it's as if you're immediately above it. Stand-up comics for instance are always pointing out the obvious and mundane, and for this they get applause and praise. They created this stylized vision of our world, and therefore they get the credit as creator.


Which relates to how it establishes ourselves, our own identity.

"If I'm viewing them, I can't be one of them."

We aren't who we are because of our past or bright bright future, we are only who we are because of our present. The way we perceive ourselves right at this second, right...now.
Artists are always artists even if we haven't physically made anything in a while,

"What have you been working on?...."

because we will always have our minds, our perception. We are always internally creating.


This is the reason why there is nothing more frustrating than being an artist with a block. We're sad and the world sucks as it is, so if we can't even create, than there's really nothing else going for us. You feel lost without your world. You'll starve for inspiration, and when that comes, and your mind explodes with visions, it's an orgasm. Then we can tap into our new old present past anything world at any time. The rest of the time we just try to remain comfortable, best we can. Which is why most of us are escapists, readily using drugs and alcohol to block out that which has disappointed. Not to say everything non-creation centric is a huge bummer. Myself personally, I can always tap into a few good people in this world that can bring me much joy, but I'm talking about how we feel about ourselves. And we should never let other people define our own existence. That's another issue with 'they'.


You can think of this how you like, I think it's a blessing. To be blessed with not-accepting, to be blessed with perspective, and essentially we are all 'alt'. Let's just accept that we're pretentious. We think we know better than what everyone else does, and it's true. We're able to see this world is so ridiculous in the wrong way. This isn't how we saw it as tots. Why not continue the period of life where we had no inhibitions? Why not make it ridiculous in a fun way? Ridiculously absurd. Ridiculously not scientifically, metaphysically, or physically possible.
We're innately unique.


________________________


Sooooo....

How is any of this relevant? Well, frankly, some of my Julie juice is tasting like OJ that's been sitting out a while. It's still OJ, but...
I'm really looking forward to the semester ending. It's really been a drain on my brain's full function. I've lost my daily daydreams, the time I used to have to gain new inspiration, to write something like this! (I'm missing class right now). My brain has been crowded, and it's mostly nonsense busy-work.


The light is there though. I see it, it's blue and it's calling me..it looks a lot like one of those summer skies on old film, it's a little greenish in color, and you can tell it's really calm and sunny there. And quiet, it's fucking quiet!


I did some great work yesterday that is an idea that I had been toying with for a while, and its given me enough Ju-juice to last the rest of the semester...

So here we go.....